Noggs - Back Issues

I don't like driving supermarket trolleys -
I need those things like fishes need their bikes.
"Next purchase tenpence off" and special offers
Confuse a man, who'll buy the things he likes.

I'd like to dress well, but boutiques are scary
With mirrored walls, loud music, neon light,
And shop girls who can sense masculine panic.
However much I spend, I look a fright.

I wish I could remember anniversaries,
And people's birthdays, and their children's names.
I wish they understood when I forgot them.
Men do their best; don't shoot them down in flames!

We can't cook meals that need more than one saucepan;
My speciality is beans on toast.
We can't time different veg, or make real gravy;
No man would ever cook a Sunday roast.

It's clearly harder for a man to notice
When things are dirty - face, or hair, or shirt.
We can't make sense of clothes washing instructions,
So leaving it to women doesn't hurt.

I've never got the hang of things like ironing,
Or cleaning windows, ovens, or the loo.
Important tasks that men don't have the knack for,
Though fortunately ladies always do.